My Experience With Concussions

By Ryann Bloom

I suffered my first concussion when I was 19. It was my first semester of university, in December, right before exams. It happened on the warmup mat at a cheerleading competition, right before we performed. I was devastated. We had worked so hard on this routine and now we couldn’t show off all our skills because of me. No matter who you are, concussions are awful. When you’re in school, working, establishing yourself on a new team and making new friends, you don’t have time for a concussion. At least, that’s how I felt.

I had no idea how to handle it. I hadn’t lost consciousness and I didn’t get nauseous after my fall, so I assumed that it wasn’t that bad. I knew going to the doctor would be best, but I didn’t want to hear what they had to say. I knew I had a concussion; I knew they would tell me to not go to school or practice or basically do anything, and I didn’t want to hear that. If I wasn’t going to the doctor that meant I had to face the exams I had coming up in the weeks after.

But I had a plan. I was going to take it easy at practices, take breaks while I study and in my down time I would hangout in the dark. Sure, it would make my recovery time longer, but I could handle a headache for an extra week or so…

It’s painful looking back on how naive I was. 

Miraculously, I passed all my exams (even after I left half of one blank because the sun was in my eyes and I couldn’t concentrate.) After having some time off for Christmas break, I felt confident that my symptoms had subsided enough for me to get back to normal. 

I judged my symptoms based on whether or not I had a consistent headache and that was no longer the case, so I figured I was okay. I did notice some lingering issues, but they didn’t seem big enough for me to worry about them. Concentrating in class had become more difficult, certain lighting irritated me and overall, I felt I was easily frustrated. I didn’t know how to explain what I was feeling. It’s not easy to get help for symptoms that you can’t even fully comprehend yourself.  

The two major concussions I received were in December of 2015 and February of 2017. I had a few falls in between where I experienced minor concussions, but I tried my best to ignore them. As a result, my symptoms lasted longer, and I constantly felt ‘off'.

One of the hardest things to deal with after my injuries was trying to decipher what was a symptom of the concussions and what was actually me. My second year of university was substantially more difficult. My grades suffered and I didn’t care. I took a smaller course-load and I still managed to fail two full-year courses. Paying attention in class was too much so I often left early or didn’t show up at all. My head would hurt if I looked at my computer for an extended period of time, or if I read for too long, so assignments would be done poorly if they were even done at all. 

Even cheerleading started to become something that was too much for me. I would get frustrated if I couldn’t do something, and it made me want to give up so many times. I couldn’t understand why I felt that way about a sport I loved for the last seven years.

I knew that concussions could have long-term effects that cause problems with memory, concentration, irritability, light sensitivity and depression, all of which could explain why I was feeling the way I was. However, I couldn’t help feeling that maybe it was just me. Maybe I wasn’t smart enough to pass. Maybe I wasn’t good enough for the cheer team. Maybe I was becoming more emotional and quicker to anger. I wasn’t convinced that it was from my concussions, so I felt like I couldn’t talk about it. I figured most people would tell me I was just having a bad day.

After I left cheer, the symptoms I had been experiencing started to decrease. My marks went back up, I was feeling more motivated and my overall sense of self improved. I’m not confident that I have completely recovered from my injuries yet. I still notice a sensitivity to light; I find myself getting frustrated easily and I struggle with my memory.  

I made a lot of mistakes when it came to my head injuries. I ignored my symptoms; I avoided the doctor and I tried to internalize my suffering. I was afraid of what would happen if I admitted that I wasn’t okay. Looking back, I know I had so many people in my life who would have helped if I had told them what I was struggling with. I encourage anyone who is suffering from concussion symptoms to speak up and know that you do not have to suffer alone.