Clayre's Concussion Journey
Hello, my name is Clayre. I am 20 years old and I’ve decided to break out of my comfort zone and share my concussion journey publicly through HeadsupCAN to bring more awareness surrounding brain injury. I also hope that my story can help folks dealing with brain injury feel a little less alone.
Growing up, like many Canadian kids, I was introduced to hockey at a young age. I fell in love with the game from day one with dreams to wear that maple leaf crest in the Winter Olympics. I played competitive boys hockey for roughly 8 or 9 years. Being the only girl on the ice most of the time, I was no stranger to physicality, and didn’t let anyone push me around.
Throughout my years playing with the boys, I never suffered any injuries. It wasn’t until Bantam and Midget, age 14-18, when I switched to a girls league, that I ended up sustaining a number of hockey related concussions. There were three seasons in a row where I received a concussion. The last being in the preseason of 2018. It happened during a typical hockey play. I was hit shoulder to shoulder against the boards going for the puck, and my head hit the glass. I was a little shook up, but still felt able to play, and insisted I was fine so I wouldn’t get pulled from the game.
The next couple days were when the symptoms really hit me. I had almost unbearable headaches and nausea, and once I realized that I had a concussion, my heart broke, because I knew I was getting to a point where I couldn’t afford to sustain any more. I tried going to school, but it was physically and cognitively unmanageable. Fortunately, I had a very good relationship with the social worker at my high school. I told her what was going on, and deep down I knew the school would have to tell my parents, and I’d have to go through concussion protocol, but I just couldn’t admit it to myself.
Everything changed that day, and although it was for my health and safety, I really struggled to accept my new reality, and often still do even years later. I was told I could no longer play hockey, and because I struggled with acceptance, I tried to continue to lead my ‘normal’ life, just without hockey. I still hung out with friends every opportunity I could get, and I found myself quickly getting involved in the high school party scene, which was only worsening my injury. But since I lost my biggest social outlet being sports, parties and gatherings seemed to be the easiest thing to do to stay social.
I struggled with mental health prior to my 2018 injury, and for those who may not know, mental health issues can worsen following traumatic brain injuries, as well as prolong your symptoms. For me, that is how I got caught in the detrimental cycle of self-medicating. Poor mental health led to an increase in alcohol use, leading to prolonged concussion symptoms, which then again worsened my mental health. It was exhausting to say the least.
According to The Ontario Brain Injury Association, twenty percent of individuals with no history of substance abuse problems become vulnerable to substance abuse following brain injury. With that being said, and with my history of self-medicating post injury, it is my hope as an advocate to shine some light on the lesser known complications associated with brain injury. It needs to be normalized to ask someone with a concussion how they are coping with the loss and grief of their old life, just like it is normal to ask how their headaches may be that day. It starts with being open to talk about the hard stuff, and to be aware of all the ways someone could be struggling that you might not have even thought to consider.
I would like to thank HeadsupCAN for the opportunity to share some of my story. And thank you to everyone who took the time to read. I hope I was able to give some new insights. And to any brain injury survivors reading this who feel lost and alone, I see you. Keep fighting the good fight.
If you or someone you know is experiencing complications due to a concussion or brain injury please contact the OBIA Helpline: https://obia.ca/support/helpline/
If you would like to listen to our podcast episode about Concussion Stigma in Sport, click here
If you would like to learn more about concussions please check out the Concussion Alliance website for more evidence based information on various topics related to concussion.